The Story Midwife

Sounds from my corner

After school, Sammy and Richard went to run errands so I could have some alone time.  (Seriously, this house prep may be the end of me.)  Richard, being the good musical, joke-telling daddy he is, takes his job very seriously. These two values came crashing together this afternoon as Richard pulled out his John Fogerty album (in cassette, of course) for the errand driving.  Sammy came running into the kitchen saying "Mama!  I heard the most awesomest song! It's John Fogerty!"  He played it for me as I continued dishing up our Chicken Fajita Soup from the crock pot.  Singing along he belted out these words: "I go crawling through a dried brain!"

Well, check out the lyrics here and scroll down to line two of paragraph three.  There you'll see how a 5 year old creatively interprets Mr. Fogerty. 

Now, as he's emerging from his bath, he's singing, "Oh yeah, I'm a rambunctious boy."

I have no idea.  You John Fogerty fans, please enlighten me.

Equinox Pizza

Here's what our family did last night to mark the coming of Autumn:

"What is it?", you may ask.

Well, it's Autumn Equinox Pizza, of course!

The brilliant idea came to me yesterday afternoon as a way to illustrate  the equinox for Sammy. It's not exactly a circle, for I rarely do anything geometrically correct. But you get the idea. The white side represents the light and the season of summer. It's loaded up with Alfredo sauce, shredded chicken, and mozzarella cheese. The yellow side represents the darkness and the season of winter. It's home to red pizza sauce, pepperoni, and colby-jack cheese. Sammy totally got it. And thought it was the best pizza he'd ever eaten. It was of course, since he helped make it.

Then we went out to build a bonfire and roast marshmallows to say thank you to Summer and welcome Autumn.

All in all a very luscious day.

How'd you celebrate/honor the day?

Grace for the Small Ones

AKA: My Squishing Heart

This won't be a long post.
It won't even be very descriptive.
For I am tired and it's the end of a very long week in our home and in my heart.

I've just put my son to bed. After book time we got to spend a luscious half-hour talking and lying in silence while I rubbed his outdoorsy, child-sweat-scented skin.

I wonder: How do people do it?  Have kids, I mean, and send them off to school?  We've put Mr. Sammy on the bus 20 days in a row now. And it's changing him in ways that are utterly heart wrenching.  I'm not kidding.  It's squeezing my heart and squishing it in ways I didn't know could happen.

This is turning out to be one of the most painful aspects of parenting I've encountered so far.  It's not like the colic that we endured together when the Sambo was just a wee little one.  (The colic that started when he was about two minutes old, mind you, and lasted so long I was on the brink of begging to be medicated and locked up.) It's not like the absolutely horrible extreme unholy, god-forsaken lack of sleep that we endured together until the boy was two years old.  (Okay, I'm a mystic.  I think everything's holy and has it's place in the shaping of the soul's landscape.  But I didn't like it and it wasn't the most healthy period in my life.) It's not like the challenges that arose within and shifted every single relationship I was in (marriage, parents and parents-in-law, friendships).  It's not exactly worse than any or all of these.  It's not better.  It's just really, spinningly different. And I'm at a loss.

Starting this week we get a weekly progress report from the teacher. (Who, by the standards of the public school system and that whole institution, is an EXCELLENT teacher, by the way. She's a GREAT communicator and I think she wants very much for her students to learn and thrive and (gulp) excel.) The report comes home in his school-to-home and home-to-school folder. Sammy has been "having trouble" sharing at center time and sitting still at carpet time when they have their "morning meetings".  He has difficulty keeping his hands and feet to himself and doesn't use the proper hand signals to indicate when he has something to share with the teacher or class.  Apparently he's walking around saying "O crap" "over and over and over."  On the positive side, though, he's learning to read their daily schedule, so at least he's got that going for him. 

As parents Richard and I are to talk with Sammy about these issues and sign the paper and return it to school. I did talk with him.  We sat together on the hundred-year-old hardwood floor of our dining room.  He was surprised to hear that the teacher thought he had trouble sharing at centers.  He thought he "was being really nice, Mama!" When I asked him about sitting at the carpet he pleadingly said, "But Mama, it's because I forget that sitting like this (demonstrates a sitting position similar to hero pose) isn't good for my legs." He's shared before that the "proper" way to sit is "criss-cross-applesauce," like this. When we talked about keeping his hands and feet to himself he said, "Yeah" and looked downward like this was not a new conversation.  He also said he kept forgetting to fold his hands in his lap.

When I asked Sammy if he knew what "crap" means (since it's not a word we use in our home -- well, at least in front of him), he said no, he did not know. I told him it meant "poop" and he was a little embarrassed and agreed that it wasn't too kind. I imagine no one had told him -- he was just told not to say it.

In addition, Sammy brings home homework a few nights a week with an extra dose for those weekends when there are two days in a row when he doesn't have school.

Then there's the bus fiasco delayed the route for 25 minutes yesterday.

Tonight in bed we talked about the new alternative recess that is being offered. He knows that the next time his class will participate in alternative recess there will be peer role models that help lead it. He said quietly, "I hope I get to be one." I asked him what a role model was. He told me quite plainly, "They're the good people." 

I could go on and on into the depths of what this calls up for me. I might go of on a tirade about how the frickin' culture we live in makes it nearly impossible for creative, artistic souls to emerge. How even the best of the public schools in our country are grooming all their little people to be cookie-cutters of each other. How at AGE FIVE we're teaching our children to be the "good people".  (Tell me, then, about those who aren't the "good ones?" What, pray tell, are we doing about them???) I could share how I'm scared my son will go underground in attempt to be one of the "good ones" and what will arise instead is the conditioned little person that has been socialized to fit in. I could tell you how freaked out that possibility makes me. We could take a walk down memory lane and look at my own childhood challenges with school and learning in so-called non-traditional ways and how I still tire at being "too big" and "too much" for the general population to "get". And in later posts perhaps I will.

But for tonight I simply wanted to check in and share my heart. To give you a glimpse of where I am in my own process with this.

Tomorrow morning we will go hiking at Backbone State Park, our favorite.  Then we'll drive to a pizza-and-
a-movie place in Waukon to take in Ice Age 2.  I hope he has the best weekend ever.

Okay, so it was a little more descriptive than I thought.

Do you have stories?  Words of encouragement?  Thoughts, reflections, well-paying job offers near a Waldorf school? I am ever so hungry to hear them.

Deep sighs within,
and deep bows of purest compassion to all the children of the world,
The Story Midwife

First Day of Kindergarten

Well, kids. It's time for Kindergarten.

EGAD!  I can hardly believe my little boy is a school-ager now.  Today is the first day of school in our school district.  While grades 1-12 start back with a full day, the wee ones of the district have a bit of a gentler entry.  Today Richard, Sammy and I will trek out to the school for a 20 minute visit with Sammy's new teacher.  We'll find his coat hook, cubby, and desk.  We'll explore the halls a bit more, find the bathrooms, and get a greater feel for the place. 

Sammy's pumped.  I just overheard him tell Richard, "Dad, I think it's about time for me to get on the bus."  Though we've had the conversation multiple times that today is NOT the first school bus day, he's not quite ready to relinquish the dream that his bus just might pull up to the front door and welcome him up the steps.  It's very sweet.

How is Mama?  Well, Mama's nervous.  We had so hoped that he would be attending a Waldorf school.  Trouble is, there is only one in Iowa and it happens to be 1.5 hours away.  Not gonna happen.  I've rolled around and around in my head and my heart on if public school is where I want my boy to go.  It was just a few weeks ago that Richard and I officially decided NOT to home-school him.  For now, that is. 

Several months ago one of my clients told me the story of an African woman who was born, raised, and initiated into her African village.  Originating in that sort of community I would expect that such a woman would admonish us Americans for lack of community and multi-generational guidance in our children's lives.  Nope.  Rather she said that in America we are so afraid to let our children go.  We hold on. We have a hard time releasing.  "Let them go!", she says. 

This story struck me.  I AM frightened to release my son to the world.  (And for good reason, I think.)  What would happen if I trusted him. Trusted myself. Trusted our family.  Xeborah reminded me that we are family that buries placentas, for goodness sake, and he won't forget that when he goes off to school. 

I'm finding this to be one true thing about Motherhood:  It is an ever unfolding dance of RELEASE.

So today I release my son into his own 5-year old fullness. I will trust him, trust our family, trust the universe as his world expands, and as he makes his way in the world just a little bit more.

Yay for you, Sammy. 

The Shape of a Mother

Oooh, ooh!  I'm so excited!  I've just discovered this new blog and I AM IN LOVE. Please go take a look at this site and encourage Bonnie in her fabulous efforts. 

It's been a Big Day of thinking about bodies -- MY body in particular.  Finding this site feels like such a gift.  So go on over and visit.  Have I mentioned that I LOVE IT?!!!

Sunday in the Park

I've been wanting to write this post for several days, but the mid-week holiday was like a minor speed bump in my work week.  Kind of funny, as I'm entirely self-employed...

Last Sunday instead of attending Big Church in nearby Big City, Sammy and I communed with ancient rocks and trees and waters in the state park near our home.  Oh, what fun we had!

A few things I learned/relearned in our time in the park together:

• Sammy is in infinitely better physical shape that I am or ever will be again. ("Did you need to stop and 'grab' your breath again, Mama?")

• I share life with a Mystic-Naturalist. (While praying for a dead and decomposing tree: "Shhhh. Now just listen and see what it wants to say to you, Mama.")

• The world is filled with exquisite beauty. ("I can see for forever up here!")

• True beauty always includes acknowledging shadow, deconstruction, and impermanence. ("It's just gonna be food for the next tree.")

• When it's your time to go, one way is by the gentle release to the river by a five-year old's hand. (While holding a piece of the aforementioned decomposing tree, a long way off from the water: "I have to take this to the river." At the riverside: "Have a good trip - wherever you go...")

• Silence in Nature can be so nourishing. Silence with a 5-year old -- anywhere -- can be a gift. Silence in Nature with a 5-year old is nothing short of miraculous.

• If I talk to Sammy the way he talks to me, I'm doing a pretty damn good job. ("It's kinda slippery here, Mama. I don't want you to fall and get hurt." And, "Wow! That was a big splash! You're a good stick thrower, Mama!" And, "I could just stay here all day with you, Mama.")

If you're wondering if he's always this kind, charming, polite, sweet, and good-natured, in a word no.  Make that NO! He was clearly in his element.

I've been thinking a lot about motherhood.  MY motherhood, in particular.  Like most parents on the planet, I spin through seasons of wondering what the hell I'm doing. Am I just giving my son some really great therapy material here? Who ever thought I was cut out for this?  It's been sort of a vulnerable week that way.

Earlier in the week we got a call from my in-laws with feedback about some rather unsavory Sammy behavior at the family gathering last weekend.  Ugh.  Let's just say it was one of the three most distressing phone calls in my life.  (At the moment I cannot think of what the other two could possibly be...)

After a time of gut-wrenching fear that my son was most certainly on track to serial killer-hood, the fear in me unclenched. And I returned to our time in the woods.

This is what I found inside myself:

Nature has a way of knitting me -- and I believe my son -- back together. When one or both of us is amiss, it's time to get to the woods.

One incident cannot be taken out of context from a person's entire life. It must be considered within the entire ecosystem of the individual.

Absolute stunning beauty must take into account the whole circle.  When I completely muck up or my son displays his decidedly unsavory behavior, it is wise to hold it in compassion. It's ultimately just fine. It will be "food for the next tree."

Finally, if I talk with Sammy the way he talks with me I doing a pretty damn good job.

So.
That's what I know today. What about you?

Tell me about your last trip to the woods.

The Placenta and the Snake

On the day following my last post, Sammy's fifth birthday, Sammy and our neighbor Ev, Sammy's 74-year-old best friend, found a dead snake near our home. A birthday snake! I LOVED this! Sammy did too and decided to take the snake for "sharing time" at his preschool the next day. They never know what he'll bring in the door for sharing time. A stellar week of sharing items from Sammy might look like this:

• Day one: Horse-hair nest
• Day two: Tiny cocktail umbrella with the narration that "it's just so cute!"
• Day three: "Lightening Drum" that Sammy and Daddy made out of 2x6 boards and clear packing tape
• Day four: His "walking stick" -- a mini-blind turner wand that fell off the mini-blinds
• Day five: Dead snake in a zip-lock bag

He's very multi-dimensional -- what can I say?

Over our backyard dinner of roasted hot dogs and s'mores, Richard and I chatted with Sammy about how cool it was that he found a dead snake on his birthday. That some Native Americans believe Snake comes at a time with lots of change. Shedding skin, new skin, and thoughts of kindergarden filled our conversation for a bit before heading in for bath time and bedtime.

I knew I wanted to bury my placenta that night after I tucked Sammy into bed. I'd pulled it out of the freezer that morning and had dug the hole in the afternoon. At points in the day I felt like I was preparing to bury a girl-child -- a daughter I had once delivered but that had not survived. Then the feeling would turn and it seemed as though I would be burying my womb. Very disorienting and surreal.

Once Sammy was all tucked in I returned to Placenta Cove in the ancient lilacs to find the next-door landlord mowing the grass. He'd have had a perfect view of me and my placenta. Um, no thanks. The town of Strawberry Point is already talking...

Xeborah called. Goddessy friend of shamanism and symbol, and a spiritual director herself, we agreed that Sammy's snake was a very cool gift to him, and that this placenta was very girl-like. I came to see that burying this organ from my body did represent burying the potential to bring a girl-child into the world through my womb. While lately I've been longing to again birth, nurse, and mother a child of my own flesh I'm about 96% sure I don't really want to have another baby. Guess that 4% of longing was talking pretty loudly.

After Xeborah and I hung up I meandered outside with a few simple items. I didn't put much thought into the ritual. Much of my job is centered on ritual -- making it and performing it and guiding others to it -- and I have such a passion for ritual; I thought I might make a bigger deal out of it. But instead of planning each detail I simply responded in the moment to what called to me.

On the way to the placenta site I picked a large, pink peony and a shasta daisy from their respective flower patches. Once by the hole, I lit a candle that a little girl made for me at a family retreat Richard and I led in the spring. With an Indian brass bell that is my maternal grandmother's I rang away all that was not needed and called in all that was. I brought the peony to my face, smelling its fragrance and saying goodbye. It went first into the hole, then the placenta and blood plopped in after it. I expected to encounter the stench of old flesh and was prepared to be repulsed. Instead there was just the metallic odor of blood. Not offensive to me at all. Sort of comforting and earthy, actually, like the mother of all moon cycles.

It was so dark in my cove. I worked quickly and easily, not responding to great emotion, but rather moving as a woman doing what she is called to do. I placed the dirt over the placenta, packing it down with my feet, giving thanks while taking deep breaths and ringing the bell. When the soil was hard and I was certain my husband would agree that no neighborhood coyotes could come to snatch it up, I kneeled down to pat the dirt with my hands. My fingers found a few sticks which I instinctively moved to outline the circular hole. At last, I placed the daisy in the small mound of earth. I bowed in reverence, rang the bell one last time, gathered up my belongings and headed inside.

It was simple.  It was beautiful.  It was marking an era.

The next day Sammy asked me to bury his snake next to the placenta.

I did.

You ponder the symbology.