Sunday in the Park

I've been wanting to write this post for several days, but the mid-week holiday was like a minor speed bump in my work week.  Kind of funny, as I'm entirely self-employed...

Last Sunday instead of attending Big Church in nearby Big City, Sammy and I communed with ancient rocks and trees and waters in the state park near our home.  Oh, what fun we had!

A few things I learned/relearned in our time in the park together:

• Sammy is in infinitely better physical shape that I am or ever will be again. ("Did you need to stop and 'grab' your breath again, Mama?")

• I share life with a Mystic-Naturalist. (While praying for a dead and decomposing tree: "Shhhh. Now just listen and see what it wants to say to you, Mama.")

• The world is filled with exquisite beauty. ("I can see for forever up here!")

• True beauty always includes acknowledging shadow, deconstruction, and impermanence. ("It's just gonna be food for the next tree.")

• When it's your time to go, one way is by the gentle release to the river by a five-year old's hand. (While holding a piece of the aforementioned decomposing tree, a long way off from the water: "I have to take this to the river." At the riverside: "Have a good trip - wherever you go...")

• Silence in Nature can be so nourishing. Silence with a 5-year old -- anywhere -- can be a gift. Silence in Nature with a 5-year old is nothing short of miraculous.

• If I talk to Sammy the way he talks to me, I'm doing a pretty damn good job. ("It's kinda slippery here, Mama. I don't want you to fall and get hurt." And, "Wow! That was a big splash! You're a good stick thrower, Mama!" And, "I could just stay here all day with you, Mama.")

If you're wondering if he's always this kind, charming, polite, sweet, and good-natured, in a word no.  Make that NO! He was clearly in his element.

I've been thinking a lot about motherhood.  MY motherhood, in particular.  Like most parents on the planet, I spin through seasons of wondering what the hell I'm doing. Am I just giving my son some really great therapy material here? Who ever thought I was cut out for this?  It's been sort of a vulnerable week that way.

Earlier in the week we got a call from my in-laws with feedback about some rather unsavory Sammy behavior at the family gathering last weekend.  Ugh.  Let's just say it was one of the three most distressing phone calls in my life.  (At the moment I cannot think of what the other two could possibly be...)

After a time of gut-wrenching fear that my son was most certainly on track to serial killer-hood, the fear in me unclenched. And I returned to our time in the woods.

This is what I found inside myself:

Nature has a way of knitting me -- and I believe my son -- back together. When one or both of us is amiss, it's time to get to the woods.

One incident cannot be taken out of context from a person's entire life. It must be considered within the entire ecosystem of the individual.

Absolute stunning beauty must take into account the whole circle.  When I completely muck up or my son displays his decidedly unsavory behavior, it is wise to hold it in compassion. It's ultimately just fine. It will be "food for the next tree."

Finally, if I talk with Sammy the way he talks with me I doing a pretty damn good job.

So.
That's what I know today. What about you?

Tell me about your last trip to the woods.

Comments

[Christine]

SM, this is a stunning post. I too have been feeling vulnerable this week and reading your words remind me that it is indeed time to return to the woods. One of my favorite quotes is from William Stafford: "this earth we are riding keeps trying to tell us something with its continuous scripture of leaves." I think it is time for me to return to this most holy and ancient text. Blessings and more blessings.

[Kristin]

What a wonderful sachel of wisdom. And sounds like Sammy is living a full-spectrum life! Here's to you and Sammy!

[Story Midwife]

Christine, what a beautiful quote by Stafford. Once while visiting an outdoor camp chapel in Butler, PA, I first thought about leaves as aging throughout the season. While the tree is constant and steadfast through the years, leaves live an entire lifetime in just a few seasons. I love thinking about them as scripture. Thank you so much for sharing.

Where are your favorite visiting woods?

[Story Midwife]

Kristin,
Yes, life with children IS full-spectrum! What makes your little one's heart sing? (In addition to the beads on the lamp, that is...!) :-)

[Jeanne Loehnis]

I read this wonderful story about Sammy and think about a few things. One is something I need to remind myself of often. That is, that I now try to spend as much time as possible with people and doing things in which I am "the best me I can be". Sounds like Sammy is "the best Sammy he can be" -- in nature. May he get LOTS of time there! The other comes from having watched a friend of mine deal with her young son. She so easily asked questions which pursued the "why" his behavior was what it was. Like: "What were you feeling and thinking when you were at Grandma's" or "What do you most like about the woods?"

Anyway, SM, no child could respond as he did in the woods if he didn't have some pretty awesome modeling from those people he calls Mom and Dad!

As for my last trip to the woods .. there haven't been nearly enough of late. But I do know that I immediately lose (in a great way) my connection to the rest of my busy life. Nature is the most awesome artist -- I am quite fond of tree bark, tree shapes, color, rustling of the leaves, ...

Jeanne

[Christine Paintner]

The Pacific Northwest is saturated with beautiful forests, so many places to go! I love Seward Park and the Arboretum in city limits. But my two absolute favorites requiring a weekend trip are East Sooke Regional Park on Vancouver Island (40 minutes east of Victoria) and Ruckle Park on Saltspring Island - these both are forest at the edge of the ocean, an adored combination for me. I love straddling the edge between these two wild worlds.

[Story Midwife]

Hello Jeanne and Christine!

Jeanne, I like your account of nature as the artist. So many glorious textures! I have the image of one of your CD covers with you on a mountain (?) in my head as I think of you right now.

Christine, WOW! Straddling the edge of the two wild worlds! Makes my heart go pitter-patter. Will you give this Midwestern Girl a tour? :-)

[Sacred Art of Living]

SM, You are more than welcome to come to Seattle for a personal Northwest tour anytime. I think I have found a kindred spirit in blogland. :-)